Purposeful Parenting
Teaching Your Child How to Be a Good Friend
Once your children reach school-age, there are entirely new challenges to face as a parent when your child is suddenly thrust into a new environment where they have to learn how to deal with all sorts of different personalities. It’s an exciting time as they get to meet their peers and make new friends, but it can also be a little confusing and chaotic as they learn to navigate a new environment. One way to ensure that they thrive in that new environment is by teaching them how to be a good friend.
So, how do we do that? These are the rules in our house:
Be kind – We never speak harshly to our friends, we’re polite and we use kind words to support them.
Keep your promises – When you make a promise, stick to it. Your friends should be able to value and trust your words.
Be honest – Always tell the truth. Friends don’t tell lies.
Say you’re sorry when you make a mistake – Nobody is perfect, but being a good friend means apologizing if you’ve done something that hurt someone else’s feelings.
Be patient – Friends aren’t quick to anger.
Share – The best part of having friends is having people to share in the fun!
Always offer help to your friends – Sometimes friends need a helping hand; help them clean up their toys or solve a problem.
Always say thank you – When your friends help you, always say thank you and let them know you appreciate and love them!
It’s important to start teaching these values at a young age and encourage your children to socialize with other children. Developing your children’s social skills early on will solidify the friendship traits you are trying to teach them, as they will have more experience to draw from and an environment in which to practice those skills. Set up play dates with your friends who have children, or find an activity to enroll them in. This will give them valuable exposure to young friendships and prepare them for those school-age friendships that are so important to childhood development. One great way to generate discussion about behavior is to ask, “Are you being a good friend?” Let your children evaluate their actions based on the lessons you’re teaching. Encouraging self-awareness will help them make good choices as they mature!
And while teaching these values at a young age and encouraging the development of social skills is so important, the most important way to teach your child to be a good friend is by BEING a good friend. I know you’re busy – motherhood can take a lot out of you – and sometimes it’s easy to neglect the people in our lives who we don’t see on a regular basis. You get caught up in the daily crazy of parenthood and work and life in general, and, before you know it, months have gone by and you can’t remember the last time you grabbed a coffee with your bestie! Maintaining healthy friendships is not only important for your well-being, but it will benefit your children and teach them valuable lessons to help them as they start to spend more time with their peers. So, while trying to teach your children to be good friends, it’s also important to as yourself “Am I being a good friend?”
Duh, duh, duh….the dreaded meltdown. With one kid, this can bring the strongest mommy to her knees. With multiples, well…the word “epic” takes on a completely new meaning. In the worst possible way.
Moral of the story? A little organization and forethought can go a long way. Considering WHY my kids were throwing tantrums and then exploring what I could do to prevent them before they started has saved me a million tears. Like I said, it’s not a perfect system. But every little bit helps.
Every day I pick up my children from day care to hear “They are such great kids! They had a blast today and are some of the best listeners we’ve ever had. They’re so well-behaved!” Yay, Mama win! And then we go home and they act like total demon-infested, hell-raising psychos and won’t listen to a word I say. Weekends can be brutal and I sometimes find myself praising Jesus that I decided to keep working and not stay-at-home.
sweet kids from day care?
Best Thing I Ever Did: I went to pick the kids up one day and they were enjoying themselves, so I decided to just sit and watch for a bit and let them play. Funny thing happened. I started listening to how the day care teachers communicated with my children and how they responded. And the light bulb went off. I don’t know how to speak the language my kids understand.
I started listening harder. And then I came back the next day and did it again. Now, every time I drop off or pick up, I listen. How are they talking to my kids? What are they saying? How are the kids responding? And then I mimick it at home.
Major win!!! My kids are starting to see an extension of their daily routine back into the home and it’s making sense. I say certain words they’re used to hearing and like magic, they listen. Not every time (which I suspect also happens at day care), but the majority of time. Major improvement. We are starting to speak the same language.
Sometimes I forget (or refuse to admit) that I am not my children’s primary care provider. For those of us that work outside the home, most often our kids spend the majority of their time somewhere other than with us. Sometimes, being reminded of that hurts. A lot. But truth is, they develop routines, cues and references that we’re not familiar with. We need to learn the language they are used to hearing every day so that we can communicate our needs in a way they understand. I need to speak my children’s language.
Phrase Adjustments that Worked for Me:
- “Walk away please” instead of “No!” or “Don’t Touch!”
- “Are you using your listening ears?” instead of “Listen to me!”
- “I’m going to go to work for awhile, but Mommies always come back!” instead of “Say bye to Mommy. I have to go to work.”
If you’re just connecting with the Emily Speaks series, be sure to check out her first post, Cyber Bullying and Self-Harm, to catch up. Today, Emily will be sharing 11 alternatives to self harm to help those hurting to make healthier choices to cope with emotional struggles.
I know it can be hard not to self-harm if you’re being bullied, but you need to try to think of other ways to deal with the pain. Cutting leaves angry scars on your body. You should try to deal with your hurt in other ways. Here are 11 good examples that will hopefully help you out a little bit.
1. Try talking to somebody about what’s going on so that you can get it out of your system.
2. Go outside where nobody is around and just scream as loud as you can for as long as you want.
3. Take a rubber band and keep it on your wrist so whenever you feel like cutting you can just take that rubber band and snap it on your wrist (softly – not to where it harms you).
4. Get an old teddy bear or stuffed animal that you don’t want and take your anger out on that.
5. Go on a jog or go out and ride your bike or long board or whatever you have and just ride around to calm yourself down.
6. Go hang out with your friend(s) and get your mind off things that would make you want to cut or do anything else to harm yourself.
7. Sleep it out and take a long nap and see how you’re feeling when you wake up.
8. Go hang out with your family and just relax.
9. Listen to some music.
10. Read a book.
11. Get an art journal and draw out your feelings. You can paint, draw pictures, even just scribble hard.
These are some of the ways that I stop myself from cutting, because I do still think about it when things get rough. When that happens, I try to do these instead and it helps. It does! You need to do anything that would take your mind off of any bad thoughts you are having and make you want to hurt yourself. This might not be the best list of ideas, but if you take a chance and try them out, they might end up working for you. You’re not only helping yourself, but you’re helping everyone else around you by making a better choice to not self-harm.