Purposeful Parenting
Intentionally Playful: Scheduling Time to Play With Your Kids
Published
1 year agoon
By
Katy Blevins
Do you actively play with your kids, or do you find yourself distractedly moving a toy car around while you fix dinner? Are you stuck in the routine and forget to be silly? Consider scheduling a play date with your child.
Life as a working parent is incredibly challenging. As a child, I was lucky to have a sister to spend my days playing Barbies, school, and the occasional round of X-Men with the neighbors (Yay Jubilee and Rogue!). My parents also played with me, but just as I do now that I’m a parent, they often had other things going on.
The truth is, and this is not a revelation – our lives are busy! Work meetings, doctor’s appointments, kids’ activities – there is barely enough time to get everyone’s teeth brushed before collapsing into bed (at a time that is way too late for a school night).
But, despite busy lives, we need to take time to simply play with our kids. Playing with your children is something they crave (and you do too!), a pivotal way to bond with them, learn about their personalities, and teach them necessary social skills, like losing without throwing a tantrum. The trick is taking the time to focus your energy solely on your kids to simply play with them. I understand how difficult it is to see a pile of unfolded laundry sitting in the basket while you move a game piece around a board, believe me (hello OCD!) – so devoting your full attention to playing with your kids may be something you need to schedule.
Spontaneous play is natural and fabulous, but as most working parents know, we rarely have time to relax and spend “idle time” with our kids. (Funny how us workaholics might consider playing with our kids as idle time…) What would happen if we treated playtime the same way we treat other appointments on our calendar?
Consider the way you play with your kids now. Are you distracted, possibly thinking about work or what to make for dinner? What if instead of trying to squeeze in quality time with your kids, you intentionally set aside time in your day to play with them?
By setting an appointment with your kids, you are committing yourself to giving them your full attention. Rather than thinking of what you’re NOT getting done, make it an item on your to-do list that you can accomplish. This way, you get to spend quality time with your child while making it a prioritized part of your day.
Studies show that play time benefits children in multiple ways. Free play (meaning not participating in an organized sport or similar activity) increases a child’s sense of individuality, helps them learn to make decisions, enhances emotional maturity, and most importantly, is fun! To be able to play with your child and see him wrestle with disappointment if he loses a game, or see his joy when he makes up a funny story for his action figures, is invaluable for both of you.
It may seem a bit “sterile” to actually schedule time to play with your child. But think about how many other things you devote time to during the day. You may find that scheduling uninterrupted play time with your child is the one appointment you look forward to every day, and will certainly be the most fun you have all day!
If the idea makes you uncomfortable, start simply. Set a few rules that “create” an appointment naturally. For example, once dinner is cleaned up, the phone must be put aside for the bedtime routine. Even that simple choice schedules play with your kids. Reading bed time stories becomes an adventure, not a listless monologue. Hugs and kisses are more tender, and last minute tickle monsters create memories that last a lifetime.
Purposeful Parenting
How to Avoid the Epic Meltdown: Understanding Your Child’s Cues
Published
9 months agoon
April 17, 2020By
Katy Blevins
Duh, duh, duh….the dreaded meltdown. With one kid, this can bring the strongest mommy to her knees. With multiples, well…the word “epic” takes on a completely new meaning. In the worst possible way.
Moral of the story? A little organization and forethought can go a long way. Considering WHY my kids were throwing tantrums and then exploring what I could do to prevent them before they started has saved me a million tears. Like I said, it’s not a perfect system. But every little bit helps.
Purposeful Parenting
How to Speak the Right Language: Understanding Your Child’s Cues
Published
10 months agoon
April 13, 2020By
Katy Blevins
Every day I pick up my children from day care to hear “They are such great kids! They had a blast today and are some of the best listeners we’ve ever had. They’re so well-behaved!” Yay, Mama win! And then we go home and they act like total demon-infested, hell-raising psychos and won’t listen to a word I say. Weekends can be brutal and I sometimes find myself praising Jesus that I decided to keep working and not stay-at-home.
sweet kids from day care?
Best Thing I Ever Did: I went to pick the kids up one day and they were enjoying themselves, so I decided to just sit and watch for a bit and let them play. Funny thing happened. I started listening to how the day care teachers communicated with my children and how they responded. And the light bulb went off. I don’t know how to speak the language my kids understand.
I started listening harder. And then I came back the next day and did it again. Now, every time I drop off or pick up, I listen. How are they talking to my kids? What are they saying? How are the kids responding? And then I mimick it at home.
Major win!!! My kids are starting to see an extension of their daily routine back into the home and it’s making sense. I say certain words they’re used to hearing and like magic, they listen. Not every time (which I suspect also happens at day care), but the majority of time. Major improvement. We are starting to speak the same language.
Sometimes I forget (or refuse to admit) that I am not my children’s primary care provider. For those of us that work outside the home, most often our kids spend the majority of their time somewhere other than with us. Sometimes, being reminded of that hurts. A lot. But truth is, they develop routines, cues and references that we’re not familiar with. We need to learn the language they are used to hearing every day so that we can communicate our needs in a way they understand. I need to speak my children’s language.
Phrase Adjustments that Worked for Me:
- “Walk away please” instead of “No!” or “Don’t Touch!”
- “Are you using your listening ears?” instead of “Listen to me!”
- “I’m going to go to work for awhile, but Mommies always come back!” instead of “Say bye to Mommy. I have to go to work.”
Emily Speaks
11 Alternatives to Self Harm: Emily Speaks
Published
10 months agoon
April 2, 2020By
Katy Blevins
If you’re just connecting with the Emily Speaks series, be sure to check out her first post, Cyber Bullying and Self-Harm, to catch up. Today, Emily will be sharing 11 alternatives to self harm to help those hurting to make healthier choices to cope with emotional struggles.
I know it can be hard not to self-harm if you’re being bullied, but you need to try to think of other ways to deal with the pain. Cutting leaves angry scars on your body. You should try to deal with your hurt in other ways. Here are 11 good examples that will hopefully help you out a little bit.
1. Try talking to somebody about what’s going on so that you can get it out of your system.
2. Go outside where nobody is around and just scream as loud as you can for as long as you want.
3. Take a rubber band and keep it on your wrist so whenever you feel like cutting you can just take that rubber band and snap it on your wrist (softly – not to where it harms you).
4. Get an old teddy bear or stuffed animal that you don’t want and take your anger out on that.
5. Go on a jog or go out and ride your bike or long board or whatever you have and just ride around to calm yourself down.
6. Go hang out with your friend(s) and get your mind off things that would make you want to cut or do anything else to harm yourself.
7. Sleep it out and take a long nap and see how you’re feeling when you wake up.
8. Go hang out with your family and just relax.
9. Listen to some music.
10. Read a book.
11. Get an art journal and draw out your feelings. You can paint, draw pictures, even just scribble hard.
These are some of the ways that I stop myself from cutting, because I do still think about it when things get rough. When that happens, I try to do these instead and it helps. It does! You need to do anything that would take your mind off of any bad thoughts you are having and make you want to hurt yourself. This might not be the best list of ideas, but if you take a chance and try them out, they might end up working for you. You’re not only helping yourself, but you’re helping everyone else around you by making a better choice to not self-harm.
Megan @ C'mon Get Crafty
July 26, 2015 at 11:16 pm
This is an amazing reminder. As a FT worker/blogger/small biz owner/mommy, time is premium. I know I always think I need time to work or get things done, but I need time for my children more. I’ll miss this time later. Thank you so much for sharing this at Merry Monday! We are live again this week, can’t wait to see your next link!
Katy Blevins
July 27, 2015 at 10:22 am
Absolutely. It serves as a constant reminder for me too! Thanks for hosting. 🙂 I’ll be MIA today, but I’ll be sure to hop back in the action next Monday!
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