Let’s face it. Life with twins inevitably means somebody running in the wrong direction at the wrong time. Motherhood with multiples is a series of one anxious moment after another…sometimes it feels like you’re trying to wrangle wild cats. Except that these wild cats are supremely intelligent and thrive on the “divide and conquer” war strategy. So what do you do? FREEZE!
Freeze tag, red light, green light, pretty much any game that involves instant loss of movement and statue state, is a majorly big win for kids. So, basic logic suggests that real success at something really important is exponentially improved if the children really buy into the fun as well as the necessity.
When my kids reached the walk/sprint phase and starting testing boundaries by trying to walk ahead and run to the car (or take off while I’m trying to strap the other one in…seriously…twins), I brought “Freeze!” into the mix. They went for it, hook, line and sinker. Any time someone takes off and heads in the wrong direction, one loud, emphatic “Freeze!” stops them in their tracks. They think it’s funny and Mommy breathes a sigh of relief.
The key here is three-fold:
1. Loud voice. Let them know you mean it. There should be no question in your voice when you issue the command “Freeze!” They should know without a shadow of a doubt that it’s time to statue up and not move a muscle until you say so.
2. Communication. Yes, it’s all good and fun, but they also need to understand why you called it. Every time I yell “Freeze!” I follow up with an explanation of why they were in danger and what they needed to do differently in the future. Connect the fun with the necessity and hammer home safety.
3. Use sparingly. This one is the most important. “Freeze!” is to be reserved for the most important, near to danger moments. You mean business and your children should know that when they hear that word, it’s for a very important reason and negotiations or free will are not tolerated on any level. If you use it too much, they become desensitized to its importance and will start testing the limits of the “game.”
I haven’t just used this in the parking lot when somebody’s a little hyper and overzealous in their independence. I’ve used it when we’ve been on walks and I’ve spied something that makes me want to switch directions or at the park when I’ve spotted something dangerous like a bee’s nest or maybe some trash that could be trouble. At this point, my kids know if I’m using that word, there’s something I’m seeking to protect them from. And while they love striking a pose “vogue” style, I can also see in their eyes the trust that they have in their Mom as they wait expectantly for direction. Having that safety word in our arsenal makes me feel better prepared and less anxious. Communication and education is the key to safety!
How to Avoid the Epic Meltdown: Understanding Your Child’s Cues
Duh, duh, duh….the dreaded meltdown. With one kid, this can bring the strongest mommy to her knees. With multiples, well…the word “epic” takes on a completely new meaning. In the worst possible way.
Moral of the story? A little organization and forethought can go a long way. Considering WHY my kids were throwing tantrums and then exploring what I could do to prevent them before they started has saved me a million tears. Like I said, it’s not a perfect system. But every little bit helps.
How to Speak the Right Language: Understanding Your Child’s Cues
Every day I pick up my children from day care to hear “They are such great kids! They had a blast today and are some of the best listeners we’ve ever had. They’re so well-behaved!” Yay, Mama win! And then we go home and they act like total demon-infested, hell-raising psychos and won’t listen to a word I say. Weekends can be brutal and I sometimes find myself praising Jesus that I decided to keep working and not stay-at-home.
sweet kids from day care?
Best Thing I Ever Did: I went to pick the kids up one day and they were enjoying themselves, so I decided to just sit and watch for a bit and let them play. Funny thing happened. I started listening to how the day care teachers communicated with my children and how they responded. And the light bulb went off. I don’t know how to speak the language my kids understand.
I started listening harder. And then I came back the next day and did it again. Now, every time I drop off or pick up, I listen. How are they talking to my kids? What are they saying? How are the kids responding? And then I mimick it at home.
Major win!!! My kids are starting to see an extension of their daily routine back into the home and it’s making sense. I say certain words they’re used to hearing and like magic, they listen. Not every time (which I suspect also happens at day care), but the majority of time. Major improvement. We are starting to speak the same language.
Sometimes I forget (or refuse to admit) that I am not my children’s primary care provider. For those of us that work outside the home, most often our kids spend the majority of their time somewhere other than with us. Sometimes, being reminded of that hurts. A lot. But truth is, they develop routines, cues and references that we’re not familiar with. We need to learn the language they are used to hearing every day so that we can communicate our needs in a way they understand. I need to speak my children’s language.
Phrase Adjustments that Worked for Me:
- “Walk away please” instead of “No!” or “Don’t Touch!”
- “Are you using your listening ears?” instead of “Listen to me!”
- “I’m going to go to work for awhile, but Mommies always come back!” instead of “Say bye to Mommy. I have to go to work.”
11 Alternatives to Self Harm: Emily Speaks
If you’re just connecting with the Emily Speaks series, be sure to check out her first post, Cyber Bullying and Self-Harm, to catch up. Today, Emily will be sharing 11 alternatives to self harm to help those hurting to make healthier choices to cope with emotional struggles.
I know it can be hard not to self-harm if you’re being bullied, but you need to try to think of other ways to deal with the pain. Cutting leaves angry scars on your body. You should try to deal with your hurt in other ways. Here are 11 good examples that will hopefully help you out a little bit.
1. Try talking to somebody about what’s going on so that you can get it out of your system.
2. Go outside where nobody is around and just scream as loud as you can for as long as you want.
3. Take a rubber band and keep it on your wrist so whenever you feel like cutting you can just take that rubber band and snap it on your wrist (softly – not to where it harms you).
4. Get an old teddy bear or stuffed animal that you don’t want and take your anger out on that.
5. Go on a jog or go out and ride your bike or long board or whatever you have and just ride around to calm yourself down.
6. Go hang out with your friend(s) and get your mind off things that would make you want to cut or do anything else to harm yourself.
7. Sleep it out and take a long nap and see how you’re feeling when you wake up.
8. Go hang out with your family and just relax.
9. Listen to some music.
10. Read a book.
11. Get an art journal and draw out your feelings. You can paint, draw pictures, even just scribble hard.
These are some of the ways that I stop myself from cutting, because I do still think about it when things get rough. When that happens, I try to do these instead and it helps. It does! You need to do anything that would take your mind off of any bad thoughts you are having and make you want to hurt yourself. This might not be the best list of ideas, but if you take a chance and try them out, they might end up working for you. You’re not only helping yourself, but you’re helping everyone else around you by making a better choice to not self-harm.