Purposeful Parenting
A Day in the Life – Lifestyle Photography
You know by now that I’m a professional photographer, and I shared some very basic tips to better photographs HERE. I’m always behind the camera, capturing the memories and moments of others. But what happens when it’s time to come home from work and all I want to do is put the camera down? You know that old saying that goes something like “The doctor’s kids are always sick, the shoemaker’s kids are barefoot,” blah blah blah? Yeah, the photographer’s family has no family pictures. Oops.
The photographer’s husband also hates getting his picture taken. With a fiery passion. Oh the irony. So what to do? I had to promise him that he wouldn’t even know what was happening. No posing, no nothing. Easy as pie. Just go about your business.
I had my biz partner at The Studio Hampton Roads, Somer, come to the house and spend the day with us. We had no plans, no coordinating outfits, no special location, no intent. She just came. And she observed. My goal was two-fold. One, I was seriously lacking in the picture department and I wanted my little guys captured in their element, being themselves, all crazy and personality and chaos, with their sister and us. Two, I really felt a need to visualize what it means to be a parent of twins. I can talk about it, write about it…until the cows come home, but unless you have multiples, it’s hard to comprehend exactly what life is like. The exhaustion, the constant go. Go. Go. Go. I really wanted to capture “A Day in the Life of the Blevins’ family.” Even if it was just as my own reminder, as time seems to just blend together these days and most of the time I can barely remember what happened yesterday much less what life with twins was like at age 3 months vs. 6 months vs. 1 year.
Would letting others really see that, in all its crazy glory, be a relief to you? It sure was to me. It broke down the facade of the mother who has it all together and life is perfect and I’m a twinkly Mary Poppins, and it let me be real. It felt good. By creating that transparency, I was able to release the burden I had placed on myself to perform. I also challenged myself to look at those images and see that my perception of the perfect mother (or at least the perfect mother I thought the world expected) was really skewed. Those images show my crazy day and kiddos in chaos, toys everywhere and silliness abundant, but it also shows me a hard-working woman whose family is loved and happy. I was proud of myself. And that feeling is always worth its weight in gold.
Duh, duh, duh….the dreaded meltdown. With one kid, this can bring the strongest mommy to her knees. With multiples, well…the word “epic” takes on a completely new meaning. In the worst possible way.
Moral of the story? A little organization and forethought can go a long way. Considering WHY my kids were throwing tantrums and then exploring what I could do to prevent them before they started has saved me a million tears. Like I said, it’s not a perfect system. But every little bit helps.
Every day I pick up my children from day care to hear “They are such great kids! They had a blast today and are some of the best listeners we’ve ever had. They’re so well-behaved!” Yay, Mama win! And then we go home and they act like total demon-infested, hell-raising psychos and won’t listen to a word I say. Weekends can be brutal and I sometimes find myself praising Jesus that I decided to keep working and not stay-at-home.
sweet kids from day care?
Best Thing I Ever Did: I went to pick the kids up one day and they were enjoying themselves, so I decided to just sit and watch for a bit and let them play. Funny thing happened. I started listening to how the day care teachers communicated with my children and how they responded. And the light bulb went off. I don’t know how to speak the language my kids understand.
I started listening harder. And then I came back the next day and did it again. Now, every time I drop off or pick up, I listen. How are they talking to my kids? What are they saying? How are the kids responding? And then I mimick it at home.
Major win!!! My kids are starting to see an extension of their daily routine back into the home and it’s making sense. I say certain words they’re used to hearing and like magic, they listen. Not every time (which I suspect also happens at day care), but the majority of time. Major improvement. We are starting to speak the same language.
Sometimes I forget (or refuse to admit) that I am not my children’s primary care provider. For those of us that work outside the home, most often our kids spend the majority of their time somewhere other than with us. Sometimes, being reminded of that hurts. A lot. But truth is, they develop routines, cues and references that we’re not familiar with. We need to learn the language they are used to hearing every day so that we can communicate our needs in a way they understand. I need to speak my children’s language.
Phrase Adjustments that Worked for Me:
- “Walk away please” instead of “No!” or “Don’t Touch!”
- “Are you using your listening ears?” instead of “Listen to me!”
- “I’m going to go to work for awhile, but Mommies always come back!” instead of “Say bye to Mommy. I have to go to work.”
If you’re just connecting with the Emily Speaks series, be sure to check out her first post, Cyber Bullying and Self-Harm, to catch up. Today, Emily will be sharing 11 alternatives to self harm to help those hurting to make healthier choices to cope with emotional struggles.
I know it can be hard not to self-harm if you’re being bullied, but you need to try to think of other ways to deal with the pain. Cutting leaves angry scars on your body. You should try to deal with your hurt in other ways. Here are 11 good examples that will hopefully help you out a little bit.
1. Try talking to somebody about what’s going on so that you can get it out of your system.
2. Go outside where nobody is around and just scream as loud as you can for as long as you want.
3. Take a rubber band and keep it on your wrist so whenever you feel like cutting you can just take that rubber band and snap it on your wrist (softly – not to where it harms you).
4. Get an old teddy bear or stuffed animal that you don’t want and take your anger out on that.
5. Go on a jog or go out and ride your bike or long board or whatever you have and just ride around to calm yourself down.
6. Go hang out with your friend(s) and get your mind off things that would make you want to cut or do anything else to harm yourself.
7. Sleep it out and take a long nap and see how you’re feeling when you wake up.
8. Go hang out with your family and just relax.
9. Listen to some music.
10. Read a book.
11. Get an art journal and draw out your feelings. You can paint, draw pictures, even just scribble hard.
These are some of the ways that I stop myself from cutting, because I do still think about it when things get rough. When that happens, I try to do these instead and it helps. It does! You need to do anything that would take your mind off of any bad thoughts you are having and make you want to hurt yourself. This might not be the best list of ideas, but if you take a chance and try them out, they might end up working for you. You’re not only helping yourself, but you’re helping everyone else around you by making a better choice to not self-harm.