I’m 47 and a Certified Professional Dating and Relationship Coach and most of my clients are success driven professionals who want true love. Many have had their “starter marriages” are divorced and want to fall in love again. They’re dating and well, having difficulties despite their thinking they’re a catch. What I find is that there are some specific things people are doing and not doing that determine who they attract. Here are a few dating do’s and don’ts for people over 40.
1. Do get clear on what you want.
I’m often amazed at the vague, basic answers I get when I ask people what it is that they want. They’ll answer with things like, someone with a good sense of humor, someone who will make me a priority, someone I can have fun with. Now while these are all great things they’re not detailed enough. Let’s look at lifestyle. How often do you want to see this person? Where do they live? How often do they work? Do they have children, if so how old are they? Do they eat meat? Do they read books? Are they religious? You get the idea. It’s important to get incredibly detailed about how the kind of life you want in order to attract a match for it. People attract one another by default. They aren’t deliberate about it. They meet and then have no idea what to ask. Which leads to…
2. Do know what to ask and how to ask it.
Once your lifestyle list is created the second step is to create key questions to get the answers you need to determine if the person is a suitable fit. Let’s say you have a pet. Wouldn’t you need to know within 2 minutes if the person has allergies to animals? People waste precious time and energy getting emotionally invested in people that a 5-minute conversation could have spared them from. Let’s say you have children who are 7 and 5 and you see them on weekends or during the week. Wouldn’t you want to know if the person is open to dating someone with young children? The important thing is to ask unrelated open-ended questions that leave the room for people to reveal things about themselves without feeling it’s an interrogation. A simple question such as, “what do you like to do on the weekends for fun,” can reveal loads about a person from their occupation, level of sophistication, if they are a parent, where they live. The key is to know what you are listening for and having a conversation.
3. Don’t use a relationship as an escape.
One of the most common pitfalls I see with people over 40 is thinking a relationship will sooth them. They go through a divorce or they never married yet, they think the answer to their happiness is in another person. It’s not. It’s inside us. People love to say that we can’t love anyone else until we love ourselves, yet they abandon themselves at every turn and refuse to face their pains and learn to nurture themselves through their emotions. They seek to distract themselves through the ego boost of the attention of another. It’s like putting old wounds in a box and shoving them into a closet. Eventually that closet gets packed and stuff will have to be looked at and thrown away.
4. Do live a full robust active life.
Your new partner isn’t going to be found in your kitchen or underneath your sofa. You can’t order your new partner off of Amazon and have them arrive 2 days later on your doorstep. When we commit to living a well-rounded life doing the things that genuinely interest us we uplift ourselves. This is when we are most attractive. Like attracts like so the best way to attract positive people is to become one. The most common complaint people over 40 have is that they don’t have friends to go places with. They feel lonely which is understandable however, when we disconnect and cling to schedules and routines it becomes very difficult to meet an ideal partner. Having a packed social schedule and not making your life one obligation after the next raises your spirits and changes of attracting someone great.
5. Do be mindful of your language.
A belief is a thought that we repeatedly think. The words we use to express our beliefs create our reality. It’s so important to catch yourself talking badly about dating and switch to the positive opposite. Oftentimes people will say that they’re too old, that all the good ones are taken, that all the one’s they like want someone richer, younger or different from them. The more we complain the more we’ll attract to complain about. Approaching dating with words such as curiosity, fun, excitement, expectation, allowance, openness to receiving, shifts the energy significantly. If you’re interested in attracting a wonderful partner, talk about how excited you are to meet them. Think about all the fun you’ll have together and really be present in the feeling of the person before they are actually there. Speak them into existence. Remember you can create whatever it is you focus on.
About the Author:
Lisa Concepcion is a Certified Professional Life Coach who specializes in dating and relationships and helps success-driven professionals with various love life matters such as getting over a breakup or divorce, saving relationships, dating with purpose, removing blocks that repel love and dating with confidence at any age. Lisa offers customized one on one coaching to people worldwide via phone or Skype. For more information connect with Lisa at Love Quest Coaching.
A Single Mom’s Guide To Living a Life of Adventure
As individuals, we should take it as a personal initiative to live a life full of happiness and new discoveries. Sometimes it’s hard to remember to take care of ourselves when our little ones need us. Getting the parent, work and life balance right is especially hard for the single mums out there. We deserve to live a full and rich life as well! And though many single moms find their happiness in bringing their children up, it doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve a break sometimes. So here are our hints and tips on how to find purpose, happiness and adventure in the life of a single mum!
Live for a Purpose: Set Goals and Work Towards Achieving Them
A life worth living is one with a purpose. We should, therefore, set goals and objectives and strive towards achieving them. It may sometimes feel like the only purpose we have in life is our children, but we all need to take some time to set goals for ourselves too. Achievements in life are a source of self-satisfaction and produce a happiness within us. In whatever we do, we should aim at getting the best out of our efforts, this is the only means by which we can realise self-satisfaction. Even small goals can release large amounts of dopamine.
What Goals to Set: As a single mom, try setting easy and achievable goals to begin with and then let them expand into larger and more difficult ones to achieve. Maybe you want to loose some weight, start up a local book club or sustain a weekly trip to zumba with the girls. Either way, it’s important that you set you-oriented goals, not just ones for the kids. This is an important part of sustaining your sense of identity and a single parent. A great goal that you could set is a money orientated goal. Set a target to save a specified amount over a month and if you have reached the target for the month you can treat yourself. Remember that a great way to save money on items for the kids and for you is by using Promo Codes For online retailers!
Make Time for Yourself and Your Loved Ones
Sometimes, we work hard to look after our children and achieve all our set objectives but still feel frustrated. This might be attributed to the fact that we have allocated so much time to the children without sparing some moments for ourselves and our friends too. It’s hard to find time for yourself as a single mum, but it is majorly important that you do so. Even just getting a babysitter in for one night and heading to your friends for dinner will help to ease the pressure of motherhood and let you live a happier life.
How to Spend Your Free Time: It can be tempting to spend your free time curled up on the sofa soaking up the silence of the room. But this can be unproductive and can work to counter the positive effects of an adventurous life. Try using this time to be active or to go out. See your friends, go for a run, do some volunteering. Part of your life, whether it be work, exercise or leisure activities, needs to be spent doing something you love.
Learn a New Skill
Sometimes a great way to come down from a day looking after the kids is to learn a new skill. The satisfaction that comes with taking advantage of our personal time to learn new skills is greatly increased for the single mums out there. It’s always important to do things for you, not just for the kids! For example, you can choose to learn different recipes, a new language, how to make different items, and much more.
Engage in Different Hobbies
If you have a beloved hobby such as travelling, swimming, or reading novels that you have had to let go of since becoming a single mother, then it’s time to pick it back up. Fully engage with your hobbies whenever you can and allocate time to do them that you will look forward to. For many single mums, a great way to get a proper break is by going on a holiday. Maybe you need some time to yourself or maybe you want to take the little ones with you. Either way a break away from the humdrum of daily routine can really inject some happiness and adventure into your life.
How to Go on Holiday For Less: Sometimes as single mothers, we just don’t have enough money to spend on luxury holidays for the whole family. But that doesn’t mean that you have to settle for cheap. Make use of online promo codes for First Choice Holidays to save considerable amounts on your next vacation. Having something to look forward to is a surefire way to inject some adventure and happiness into your life!
There are plenty of ways that us single mums can live a life of adventure. Our adventures may not be wild and crazy, but by injecting our lives with small things like goal setting, seeing friends and loved ones, learning new skills, engaging in hobbies and taking holidays we can will really help us enjoy an independent identity from that of ‘mum’. But really the greatest adventure of all is raising those little ones and a balanced life is what really counts.