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14 Tips for Coping with Depression while Raising Children: Guest Blogger Jenessa from Mothering {In Real Life}

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Coping with Depression While Raising Children | Jenessa Mullen | Chaos & Kiddos
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Let’s give a big welcome to Jenessa from Mothering {In Real Life} as she visits us today to share 14 tips for coping with depression while raising children. As you know from my recent post, Why Choosing Medication was the Best Move for Me, mental health and the journey towards recovering yourself and your life is very near and dear to my heart. Jenessa, thank you for sharing such a tender subject that can help so many!
Coping with Depression While Raising Children | Jenessa Mullen | Chaos & Kiddos
Hi, my name is Jenessa and I am so excited to be guest posting here at Chaos & Kiddos! I “met” Katy a few weeks ago through emails, and we discovered we had quite a bit in common. She asked me to share my story with you and talk about how I cope every day, raising my children while battling depression.

I have been battling depression since my early teen years. Sometimes I was strong and able to get through it. Sometimes I was down in a deep dark place and needed to seek help. Whatever the case, depression is a horrible battle to face. It gets even harder when you have children.

My latest battle with depression has lasted almost 4 years. 4 years of ups and downs and really, really low days. 4 years of not feeling “normal.” 4 years of feeling like a failure at everything. 4 years of still being a mom to my children, even though most days I didn’t even feel like a normal human being.

I have three children. My oldest daughter, at 14, has seen my ups and downs and although she doesn’t fully understand depression, she knows a bit about my situation. My younger daughter is 5. In the first year after she was born I was so overcome with joy that I can’t even explain how happy I felt. But not long after her first birthday, this latest battle with depression started. I like to think that she remembers how happy I was that first year, but it’s unlikely. My youngest, my son, is almost three and I have been depressed his entire life.

How do I cope with depression while raising my children? Here are a few things I have learned over the years.

1. Be there for them. I make sure that I am always there for my children. If it’s a special occasion like a birthday or graduation, or something as simple as a kiss for a boo ­boo, I’m there. Now, there are times when I would much rather stay in bed, pull the covers over my head and sleep the day away. But I get up. Everyday. Because I know my children need me. I know I need to be there for them. And knowing this has got me through some dark days.

2. Make time for yourself. Now, I know I just said always be there for your children, but the other side to that is make sure you have time for yourself as well. I know. I know. It’s hard to find time when you are a mom with a houseful of kids. Believe me, this is a struggle for me. But finding time for yourself is so important. I try to remind myself that if you don’t take care of yourself, then you won’t be able to properly care for your children. So make time for yourself, even if it’s something as simple as reading a book when you have a minute or taking an extra few minutes in the shower.

14 Tips for Coping with Depression while Raising Children: Guest Blogger Jenessa from Mothering {In Real Life}

3. Take care of yourself. Not only is it important to make time for yourself, it is important to take care of yourself. Eat right. Get lots of sleep. Exercise. There is a lot of research out there that links eating well and exercising to feeling good. And, if this applies to you, take your medication. I can honestly say that I get very low without my medication, and, even though I was against it at first, I have accepted the fact that I do need medication to function properly, and probably will for years to come. And I make myself take it every morning, before I do anything else. You can read my story here about how I feel without my medication.

4. Get support. Whether it is a friend, your spouse, a family member, a doctor or even a bloggy friend, reach out to someone. Let them know what you are going through. Let them be a support to you and a shoulder when you need it. I am so thankful for my support team. I not only have a supportive and loving family, but I also have a best friend who knows exactly how I feel, a team of professionals (including my family doctor, my counselor and my psychiatrist) and I attend a weekly support group for women. I wouldn’t be as far as I am today without these supports.

5. Ask for help. This is a hard one for me, and probably for a lot of moms out there. I hate asking for help. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough and I can’t handle everything on my own. It makes me feel like I will never be close to “supermom”. But guess what? No one is perfect! Everyone needs help at some point in their lives. Some people need a lot of help in their lives. The point is ­ don’t be afraid to ask. If possible, share responsibilities with your spouse. Divide up the housework, the bedtime routines, or cooking meals. Ask a neighbor to watch your children while you have a nap. Ask a friend and her kids over for a playdate so you have another mom to talk to ­ and don’t worry about cleaning the house before they arrive.

14 Tips for Coping with Depression while Raising Children: Guest Blogger Jenessa from Mothering {In Real Life}

6. Be honest. I struggled a lot about being honest about my depression at first. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, let alone my doctor or my family. But opening up and being honest opened a whole new world for me. Not only did I feel like I had lifted a weight off of my shoulders, I was also able to connect with other people in similar situations and get the help that I needed. So be honest ­with your friends, your family, your spouse, your doctor and yourself. But most importantly ­ be honest with your children. Now, children don’t need to know every detail, but depending on their age, they can be told about how you are feeling and why. Younger children can understand if they are told “Mommy is sad because….” or even just “Mommy is having a sad day today.” Older children may have questions or want to talk about depression. Naming your feelings and being honest about them not only helps you understand yourself better, it also helps your children learn to express and identify their emotions, as well.

7. Let it go. (Let it go! Let it go! … are you singing, too?) Remember what I said above? No one is perfect. No one has the perfect house, the perfect spouse, the perfect body, the perfect kids, the perfect everything. Don’t expect that of yourself. Learn to let go of things that drag you down. Learn to let go of unrealistic expectations. Learn to let go of triggers that set you off. Learn to let go of negative people and negative relationships. Learn to let go of your insecurities. Learn to let go of whatever it is that is holding you back. Just let it go. (Let it go! Let it go! …)

8. Forgive yourself. I know part of my depression is feeling down on myself all of the time. Nothing I do is good enough? What if I’m a horrible parent? Why do I yell at the kids when I feel so low? Why can’t I be happy? One of the hardest things for me is forgiveness. Forgiving yourself, whether you made a life changing mistake or a simple mix­up, is important. You can’t be happy, or even start to work on being happy, if you can’t forgive yourself. Everyone stumbles. Everyone makes mistakes. Love yourself. Forgive yourself.

9. Understand your triggers. Maybe there are certain things that set you off? Certain things that make you feel angry or sad or worthless? It has taken me several years to recognize my feelings, and what triggers my feelings, but I know now some of the things that lead up to a panic attack, a crying spell or an out burst of anger. Once you know these triggers, do your best to avoid them, or have a plan to deal with them. This may seem like a lot of work, but take it a step at a time. A journal may help pinpoint triggers or give you a behaviour log to look back at. (An example is that being hot is a trigger for me that may lead to anger or a panic attack. I try to avoid being hot as much as possible. I dress accordingly, I use the air conditioning in the car, I leave my bedroom window open all the time, etc. I can’t always keep myself from getting too hot, but I can try to prevent it as much as possible.)

14 Tips for Coping with Depression while Raising Children: Guest Blogger Jenessa from Mothering {In Real Life}

10. Find the positive. I am such a negative person when I am depressed. Everything is wrong. Nothing goes right. I hate this. I hate that. But one day I read a blog post (I really wish I could remember where!) that talked about finding the positive in everyday. Even the worst day has something about it that’s positive. Sometimes it’s easy to see, sometimes you have to dig a bit deeper. Some days, maybe the best you can do is basic things ­ “I have a house” “I have wonderful children” “I am alive”. But no matter how much negative is in your life ­ there is always something positive. I am a big believer in everything in life happens for a reason, and sometimes that’s the only positive I can find. I know that I will overcome my obstacles and be a better person on the other side. Find the positive in every situation. Find the positive in every day.

11. Get outside. Not only is fresh air proven to be good for coping with depression and mood disorders, it is also beneficial for the kids. So if your feeling really down, drop what you are doing and go play outside! Go for a walk. Sit on the patio. Just get outside ­ every day.

12. Tomorrow is a new day. You know that saying “one day at a time”? Well, it definitely applies here! That’s the best you can do. Take life one day at a time. If you mess up today, tomorrow is a new day to try again. And if you find one day at a time to be too hard, go hour by hour or minute by minute. You will get through. You will survive the day. Tomorrow is a fresh start. Tomorrow is a new day.
14 Tips for Coping with Depression while Raising Children: Guest Blogger Jenessa from Mothering {In Real Life}

13. Love yourself. Oh, this is hard! Especially when you are already feeling so low. But by loving yourself, understanding your feelings and forgiving yourself, you can get stronger. And you are being a role model for your children. You are showing them that, even though you have flaws, even though you have made mistakes, you still love yourself. And I think that is such an important message to give to your children.

14. Remember that your children love you ­ just the way you are. Remember this. Every day. Every minute. Yeah, sure, they may be upset with you over something. Maybe you yelled at them. Maybe they had to be punished and they ran to their room screaming “I hate you!”, but you know what? They don’t. Your children love you. You. Just as you are. They will forgive you for messing up. They will forgive you if you loose your temper. They will love you ­ NO MATTER WHAT. Remember that. Every day. The love of my children is what gets me through this.

So, these are the things I try to remember every day. Battling depression is hard. Raising children is hard. Doing them at the same time can sometimes feel impossible. But you will get through it. I will get through it. And our children will get through it, too. And do you know what? They will be ok. We won’t mess them up. Just breath. And take life one day at a time.

14 Tips for Coping with Depression while Raising Children: Guest Blogger Jenessa from Mothering {In Real Life}
If you would like to read more about my journey through depression, come visit me at Mothering {In Real Life}. If you would like to talk more about depression, or even what coping mechanisms you use in your parenting struggles, please feel welcome to comment below. Or you can email me at
[email protected]. I would love to talk with you and hear your stories.
Thank you, Katy, for allowing me this opportunity to guest post on your blog.
I have enjoyed my time here at Chaos & Kiddos.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jenessa Mullen is an Early Childhood Educator and mother of three, living in small town, Nova Scotia. She blogs about her children, parenting struggles and her battle with depression at Mothering {In Real Life}. You can say hello to Jenessa on social media, or send her an email at [email protected].

 
Follow Jenessa at: 
Bloglovin: https://www.bloglovin.com/jenessamullen

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38 Comments

38 Comments

  1. Echo

    August 5, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    This is a fantastic post. Thank you for sharing your coping skills with us!

  2. Liv

    August 6, 2014 at 2:39 am

    You should feel very positive about this blog post – these are great tips not just for moms struggling with depression. Your willingness to talk about such a stigmatizing subject is surely helping others. Thank you on their behalf.

  3. Katelyn F

    August 6, 2014 at 9:49 am

    What a great and powerful piece! I haven’t dealt with depression in my life but many, many people are.

  4. Jennifer

    August 6, 2014 at 5:12 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing a difficult truth with the blogging world. It is so helpful for so many. I wish you the best with your ups and downs. Just breathe indeed. Best advice.

    • Katy Blevins

      August 12, 2014 at 9:42 am

      Thank you for the show of support and words of encouragement to Jenessa, Jennifer. XOXO

  5. Giveaways 4 Mom

    August 7, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    This is a great post. I suffer from depression and when it flares up it can be bad. Thanks so much for sharing these tips. Depression is real and it is definitely a topic that needs to be addressed. #TurnUpTuesday

    • Katy Blevins

      August 12, 2014 at 9:39 am

      Absolutely. Mental illness is so often overlooked. With the tragic death of Robin Williams, I am hoping there will be a renewed energy to address this challenge that so many people face alone. We need better support systems and ways to help people journey towards healing.

  6. Bridget

    August 7, 2014 at 9:28 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing these tips. I know I can use each and every one of them. In my life.

    • Katy Blevins

      August 12, 2014 at 9:38 am

      That’s great to hear Bridget. When depression rears its ugly head, we need all of the support and help we can get. I’m thrilled to hear these tips encouraged you. Stay strong!

  7. Christine Gallagher

    December 10, 2014 at 6:18 am

    What a wonderful post, I have a few family papers I need to write, this would a great subject, I love the encouragement statements you added in between, great job!

    • Katy Blevins

      December 12, 2014 at 10:32 am

      Thank you Christine! Jenessa did a great job sharing candidly and offering tangible advice/encouragement. Good luck with your papers!

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Purposeful Parenting

The 10 Best Things About Being a Working Parent

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The 10 Best Things About Being a Working Parent
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I sometimes find myself envious of the stay-at-home moms and dads who stroll up to the bus stop with a steaming mug of coffee in their loungewear or yoga pants.  Once their kids step onto the bus, they have what I often perceive to be an entire day of freedom laid out in front of them to finish laundry, work out, run errands, or maybe just take a nap. Must be nice, huh?

Of course, I know stay-at-home parents don’t have it easy at all, and that “fantasy” of mine is truly that – an illusion resulting from my jealous misconceptions – but I’d be lying if I didn’t sometimes fall into the “grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” pit. 

The 10 Best Things About Being a Working Parent

When I’m feeling jealous, discouraged, or inadequate, I think about the reasons I’m a working parent and why it works best for me and my family.  If you’re like me (or just human for that matter), at some point you struggle with what-ifs about the choices you’ve made and often wish you had the life of someone else.  The 10 best things about being a working parent might help you refocus and put things into proper perspective. I know every parent, whether working in an office or taking care of the kids at home, could use reminders that they are not alone in the world!  

And in that same vein, I find it necessary to write this disclaimer:  The list below in no way is meant to give the impression that working parents are better than those that stay at home.  This list is meant to highlight the reasons that working parents should give themselves a break and focus on gratitude instead of envy.

  • Adult Interaction 

It goes without saying that spending the day with your kids can be wonderful.  A rainy Saturday afternoon spent baking cookies, coloring, etc. is a great way to get to know your kids and spend some quality time cuddling. Extend that rainy day to a rainy week, however, and you may start to crave some adult interaction (and a straight jacket or two).  

When you are a working parent, you frequently get the adult interaction you crave. Psychologists recommend that stay-at-home parents get involved with other adults in their situation to ensure that they get enough adult conversation to feel connected to the outside world.  As a working parent, you have that connection with your peers every day.   

It is fabulous to spend the day with your kids, but at some point, every mom or dad needs to connect with another like-minded person on a more intellectual level.

  • Income

The cost of daycare can be overwhelming (sending twins to day care is the equivalent of an extra mortgage payment!), so many people believe that staying home with the kids versus paying for child care generally equals out when it comes to finances.  And it often does! 

Depending on your profession and your personal circumstances, your salary may generate more income than you will save in child care costs (like it does in my situation).  In addition to your salary, you need to factor in health care, retirement benefits, and other employment perks (like flextime or gym memberships, which are becoming increasingly popular).  Having a steady income is a luxury many families don’t have when mom or dad stays at home. 

  • Staying in the Game 

The general economy is slowly improving, but for awhile, unemployment was at an all-time high and the job market was extremely competitive.  Unfortunately, especially for women, re-entering the workforce after a period of unemployment made it even more difficult to land a job. 

While ideally every parent could jump back into the workforce after taking time to raise children if they chose to take time away, it doesn’t necessarily work that way.  As a working parent, you keep your foot in the door and your resume active to better take advantage of future opportunities.  

10 Best Things About Being a Working Parent

  • Setting an Example

Children who grow up with working parents quickly adapt by learning responsibility, self-sufficiency, time management, and the value of hard work.  That is not the only way for children to learn those lessons, and stay-at-home parents are equally focused on instilling strong character traits in their children; it just so happens to put you on the fast track when you work outside the home. 

Of course your children ARE the center of your existence, but you also crave a life outside of them and necessity may dictate it if you need to work to help support your family financially.  You were a unique person with personal interests before they were born, and it can be difficult to maintain that when your role as parent is in center focus.  Working outside the home can set an important example that hard work pays off, you need to earn your way to success and survival, and that you have priorities and interests that aren’t always all about them.

  • Mental Stimulation

Taking care of children is hard work, but it’s not always mentally stimulating.  Stay-at-home parents and working parents alike need to take a break and do something that turns on that extra brain power, like read the news or a book without pictures.  Working parents have more opportunity to do this when they’re in the outside world, meeting the challenges of a career and leading a professionally and mentally adventurous life outside of the home every single day.  

While the mental stimulation of a career can also be the root of exhaustion, stress and more than a little chaos as a working parent, it’s also one of our greatest benefits when we step outside the home each morning.

  • Socialization for your Kids 

Your children may be in school full-time, go to a daycare, or you may be one of the lucky ones that sends them to grandma and grandpa’s house.  Whatever your situation, your kids can benefit from learning to adapt to time away from the home when there are working parents in the mix.  This may mean getting along with other kids at a daycare or school, or adjusting to a different style of care with a family member or home daycare provider. It fosters trust and can diminish separation anxiety, as your children develop a routine understanding that “Mommy and Daddy go to work, but Mommy and Daddy always come back.”

Developing the skills to interact in new situations, with new people of varying personalities, is an important skill for your child to develop, and life as a working family can help cultivate that confidence.

  • Special Occasions 

As a working parent, one of my favorite things to do is take time to volunteer at school or attend a holiday party.  Because I’m not always able to do these things, when I am able to participate, my kids are absolutely over the moon with excitement.  There is something extra special about being a working parent at school on an impromptu day off, and I like that I can make the time with my kids seem like a special occasion and surprise treat. As a working parent, quality not quantity is most often the name of the game, purely by default.

Stay-at-home parents of course trigger the same happiness and joy when they attend school functions with their children. It’s always a big win for any child to see that special face round the corner on their way to the classroom. And admittedly, I’m often envious that they get those special moments more frequently than I might.

10 Best Things About Being a Working Parent

  • Sense of Accomplishment

As I mentioned above, it is important to have a sense of identity outside of your children.  This extends to accomplishing goals outside of potty training or learning milestones. While equally important, they don’t always feel as satisfying when you cross the finish line (although I certainly did my best end-zone victory dance when we finally got potty training down!).  

When you complete a complex project at work, earn a raise or a promotion, or simply contribute as a valued employee with creative ideas, you’re awarded a deep sense of mental accomplishment in yourself that doesn’t necessarily depend on your parenting skills. Of course, stay-at-home parents are incredibly accomplished and break records every day too. We’re all winners! 

  • Prioritization 

Working parents spend their few free hours chauffeuring kids to and from school, piano lessons, soccer practice, make school lunches, plan birthday parties, etc. on top of a busy workload, deadlines and a full day at the office/store.  Working parents often need to become master planners, and become adept at organizing and prioritizing. Survival of the fittest rings true, with working parents channeling every resource to keep energy and focus front and center. The challenges working parents face logistically often cultivates a deeply rooted talent for accomplishing a lot with very little. 

  • Perspective

Every day I talk to working parents like me and stay-at-home parents in my community, and I always learn something new.  I’m thankful that my job allows me to see both sides of the coin of parenting, and I have a greater appreciation for the time I do spend with my children. 

Being a parent is never easy.  Focus on the best things about being a working parent and remember that every parent, whether the stay-at-home mom in yoga pants or the corporate executive dropping her son off at daycare, is doing their best. We’re all parents. That is our bond. Our personal journeys are our own. For me, working outside the home is a necessity, mentally and financially. But that doesn’t make me any better, any smarter or any more capable that a parent who chooses to stay at home. Remember, we’re all in this together! 

10 Best Things About Being a Working Parent

 

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Purposeful Parenting

Ready, Set, Date Night! Five Must-Haves When the Babysitter Comes Over

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Date Night - Must Haves for the Babysitter
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You’re free!  It’s date night! (Shhh…I’m dating!!!) Make sure you have a stress-free time out of the house by preparing for the babysitter.

Date Night - Must Haves for the Babysitter

Most of us don’t have a live-in nanny to help care for the children, cook the meals, and wash the dishes.  If you do…good for you (just kidding, I don’t mean that).  If you’re like me and you have to depend on babysitters to watch your kids when you need a date night, girl’s day out, even if it’s just to get groceries, you need to do a little planning beforehand.  And if you’re like me and have crazy twin toddlers, you need to do a lot of planning.

Depending on the age of your children, the age of your babysitter, and how long you’ll be gone, what you need before the babysitter comes over will change.  Generally, however, there are five “must-haves” before the doorbell rings and you are released from parental duties for a glorious period of time (Did I tell you I’m dating?!).

Date Night - Must Haves for the Babysitter

  1. Food

Unfortunately, I never seem to have food in the house.  I always have the staples like water, bread, and wine…I mean, fruit…but I don’t usually have the ingredients to put a quick dinner together or fulfill whatever craving my twins (like homemade chocolate chip waffles).  There is nothing worse, though, than having a babysitter come to your home and not be able to offer her (or him) something to eat.  Well, there is one thing worse:  leaving the babysitter with your hungry kids and no food to offer.  Make sure you have easy-to-make meals and healthy snacks on-hand to feed the kids.  Even if you do not need a babysitter during a major mealtime, make sure you have a little something something to offer both the babysitter and your children.  And always remind your babysitter about any food allergies.

  1. Spare key or garage code

When I first started babysitting I brought the toddler I was watching outside to play.  I didn’t realize that the doorknob lock was engaged and once the door shut, we were locked out of the house.  I had to knock on the neighbor’s door and he used a credit card to “break in.”

The point of the story is even if you don’t expect your babysitter to go anywhere with the kids, make sure the babysitter has a spare key or the code to your garage or any other information needed in case a random, unplanned-for activity leaves the babysitter and your child with no way to get back into the house. I have two neighbors with spare keys that are willing and able to help whenever needed.

Date Night - Must Haves for the Babysitter

  1. Suggested timeline

You don’t need to micromanage your kids’ activites, but providing a general timeline will help your babysitter and your children feel more secure.  For example, suggesting that the kids play a board game after you leave and then have a snack will give your kids a better sense of direction for the time you are away and will help your babysitter avoid the “I’m bored” whine immediately after you walk out the door.  Make sure your babysitter knows where games, toys, and other activities are located. Help your babysitter follow your normal routine for everyone’s benefit.

  1. First aid and emergency supplies, along with contact information

This is a no-brainer, although I have to admit that I don’t necessarily think to tell babysitters where to find the band-aids as I’m heading out for date night.  It is important that your babysitter knows where to find basic first-aid supplies, however, so if the unthinkable happens, your babysitter will be prepared.  Also, make sure your babysitter has a way to contact you in case of emergency.  Not every home has a landline – my kids don’t even know what one is – and you can’t just assume that your babysitter has a cell phone.  Make sure your sitter has a way to contact you and 911, if necessary.

Date Night - Must Haves for the Babysitter

  1. Bedtime basics

Maybe bedtime is a breeze for your kids.  I’ll admit, now that the boys are a bit older, bedtime is a lot easier than it used to be.  That being said, bedtime can still be tricky business.  Make bedtime easier by having pajamas laid out beforehand.  Brief the babysitter on any out-of-the-ordinary bedtime routines.  Of course your kids always brush their teeth thoroughly for two minutes before bed every night (can you hear the sarcasm?), but make sure your babysitter knows about specific books your child likes to read, whether the hall light should be kept on with the bedroom door open wide, slightly cracked, or shut tight, and whether your kids still like to be tucked in.  Even older kids can have a tough time with bedtimes, so make sure your babysitter is fully prepared to make the process easier on everyone.

As a parent, you need to take time for yourself.  Plan a creative date night, visit a friend, or just get your hair cut – just make sure you have what you need when the babysitter arrives to ensure that you can think as little as possible about what is going on at home while you are away. A little extra prep goes a long way when it comes to peace of mind and making the most of your “quiet time.”

Date Night - Must Haves for the Babysitter

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Purposeful Parenting

How to Avoid the Epic Meltdown: Understanding Your Child’s Cues

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How to Avoid the Epic Meltdown | Chaos & Kiddos: Mommy's Survival Guide
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How to Avoid the Epic Meltdown: Understanding Your Child's Cues - Infographic

Duh, duh, duh….the dreaded meltdown. With one kid, this can bring the strongest mommy to her knees. With multiples, well…the word “epic” takes on a completely new meaning. In the worst possible way.

My system certainly isn’t perfect, and my kids give new meaning to the word tantrum (I have one that goes “no bones, limp baby, immovable and impossible to catch” and one that goes “cement block that weighs a bazillion pounds and can’t be bended, lifted and/or manipulated in any fashion,” with both adding crazy decibel, ear-splitting screams to boot). At some point in the insanity, I learned to anticipate the meltdown.
My husband and I can spot a meltdown coming from a mile away. We’ll give the other that “It’s time to go. Stat. Grab the kids and sprint. NOW. Forget your shoes! Leave them! Run!” look and as the rest of the human race looks on in bewildered dismay, we quickly head for the hills before things get ugly. I think we have our exit down to about 46 seconds these days (58 if I get to grab my shoes).
On a day-to-day basis, I’ve developed a couple of tricks that stave off most meltdowns. IF I’m paying attention. This is where the understanding your child’s cues part comes in to play. You have to catch the cue before it’s too late. “Practice makes perfect” is the phrase of the day here. Or is “trial through fire” more resonant? In any event, here are my go to lifesavers:

1. Mini Baby Blanket with Attachment Loop – Cold is the enemy. Nothing brings on the whine, which brings on the frustration, which brings on the ultimate refusal to act like a normal human being like frigid weather. I was lugging around blankets to tuck the kids in to their car seats (Remember to avoid bulky coats when strapping kiddos in!) and they were getting tossed, dropped, forgotten, you name it. Then I realized my mother-in-law had given us these super cute sensory blankets with a loop that could attach to a stroller and the light bulb went off. I strapped both blankets to the side of each car seat (they are small and hang to the side if unused, so unobtrusive and the loop is short and sweet, so no wrapping around anything else) and they’re always there when I need them. The link above is one of many Etsy shops that make these small wonders, and ours are even sports themed, so the husband is happy.
2. Baby Sign Language – I admit to being one of those people that eye-rolled the idea of baby sign language when I was pregnant. Never gave it a second thought until my kids starting screaming for reasons that I couldn’t seem to identify. A friend suggested I take a jab at it, and purely out of desperation, I did, still with a bit of attitude and skepticism. And then the boys started signing back. HALLELUJAH! We did only the basics – “More, All Done, Hungry, Please, Thank You” – and that opened up whole new worlds for us in communication. Not only were they excited to sign and overjoyed that I knew what the heck was going on, but I was immensely relieved and didn’t feel like Failure Parent of the Century. Big win. I eat my humble pie proudly. I was an idiot to think this was lame.
3. Snacks at the Ready – Baby Cooler – If cold is the enemy, hunger is the Antichrist. I’d say a good 50% of the time, the boys’ tantrums stem from being hungry. We’re usually in transition to our next meal when the tank slips below E. Low fuel = channeling Satan. And the perfect timing for this special little stream of insanity was pick up from day care. The kids were tired and spent and ready for dinner. Like, 5 minutes before I got there. The first words I heard daily were “Mommy! I need my milk! Hungry!” They were whining, crying, going all sorts of Apocalyptic on me because the last thing they wanted was to be strapped into their car seats for the ride home. They wanted to be teleported straight to the dinner table. I got tired of this daily warfare, especially at the end of my own long day at work, so I started packing snacks and milk in this convenient little cooler (which as an aside, a friend gave me with the promise that it would be one of the most handy baby items I received – she was right). It gets stashed in the community kitchen at work and I grab it on my way out the door each evening. Every morning, I repack and head off knowing that I’ve crossed one tantrum off the list for that day. Yay me.Insert random cuteness here…I mean seriously, people, how can these children have meltdowns that rival the End of Days?

Photos Courtesy of Somer Anne Photography

Moral of the story? A little organization and forethought can go a long way. Considering WHY my kids were throwing tantrums and then exploring what I could do to prevent them before they started has saved me a million tears. Like I said, it’s not a perfect system. But every little bit helps.

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